Why do some feelings become deeper and deeper, while others become weaker and weaker? First of all, we should understand that time is a magnifying glass, not a lubricant. It can magnify the feelings between you, as well as the contradictions and conflicts between you. Is your relationship with your lover becoming weaker or deeper? There are three decisive factors, namely, the suitability of two people, the cognition of love relationship, and the ways and means to solve conflicts.
1. The suitability of two people.
Many people are poisoned by the idea that running in can solve the problem between two people. Before you decide to enter into a long-term relationship, you should first ask yourself a question, that is, the person in front of you will not change in the future, or even say that his future state is worse than the current one. Can you accept it? For example, there is a big conflict in your personality now, so you can't expect to solve it through running in after how long you are together. For example, if this person has no plan for future life, you can't expect the future. After getting married and having a baby, he can become responsible. Think about it. When people loved you most in the early stage of love, they didn't have any motivation to change. After a few years together, could he change? Are you thinking too well?
2. Cognition of love relationship.
It means that you feel that the more you talk about this feeling, the less you talk about it. If you don't believe me, let's take a look at this scene. Five years later, let's say five years later. After you get home from work, you have already put good food on the table. It's the same as the old three, fried vegetables, potatoes, shredded meat, millet porridge. Your other half is sitting on the sofa, crossing his legs and holding his mobile phone, watching the bubble drama you will never see. Then you tasted the food and said something cold to the other party. He said to you: It's not like you work so late every day. You won't talk when you leave work early next time. Some people think that this scene is terrible. For several years, there has been no passion between the two people, and even less talk. Marriage is really the tomb of love. But some people think this scene is very comfortable, even warm. Look, there is always a lamp in the room, which is kept in the cabinet. The prepared food is set on the table, and there is another half who can talk with you. Which of these two ideas is correct? There seems to be nothing wrong, right? Because this is really subjective, judging what the scene is like depends on your perception of love relationship. If what you are looking for is excitement and freshness, it is normal for your relationship to become weaker as you talk about it, because love will eventually return to daily life. If what you are looking for is a sense of companionship and security, you will certainly feel more comfortable as you talk about it. This relationship has become your daily life, and you will feel very happy.
3. How to deal with conflicts and contradictions between two people.
Before I fell in love with my girlfriend, I set two rules for each other. First, if I feel uncomfortable, I will directly say that I can't have a cold war at any time. Second, if you feel uncomfortable, you should solve the problem and try not to get angry overnight. There will be conflicts and contradictions when two people are together, but the way you deal with problems will directly affect how your future relationship develops. Some people choose to fight a cold war when encountering something unpleasant, or choose to digest negative emotions alone, but some people choose to solve the problem directly. Maybe the process of solving the problem is full of disputes, but after several conflicts, everyone knows where the boundaries are. For example, I used to quarrel with my girlfriend, but after we got over our anger, we would habitually sum up. What are we quarreling about today? Conflict and contradiction are not terrible. What is terrible is not communication. Grievance and anger cannot be digested alone. It will stay in your heart all the time, letting you consciously and unconsciously alienate each other, and eventually leading you farther and farther away. At the beginning, some people choose an unsuitable person to try to change the other party, while others carefully choose the one that fits them better. When getting along, some people have been pursuing a sense of freshness and excitement, while others have been pursuing a sense of companionship and security. When resolving conflicts and contradictions, some people choose to whitewash peace and suppress anger. Some people choose to face problems and solve problems directly, which is why some couples talk less and less when they are in love, while others talk more and more deeply.
