Phoenix will come only when plane trees are planted.
There is a question on Zhihu: How to identify the smart people around you?
One of the best answers is:
"When you meet a person, he can understand your situation, respect your views and beliefs, and make you feel comfortable. But when you want to further contact with him, you will find that he always keeps a certain distance from you, making you feel that you are always separated from each other, and this person is probably much smarter than you."
Such is the case. The so-called "smart people", in terms of social interaction, are mostly "friendly, friendly but not lack of a sense of distance".
Because they know this truth: the key to interpersonal relationships is personal strength, not others.
Four types of ineffective social interaction, give up as early as possible
1. Quit the complaining chat room
Those who like to talk to themselves and complain, always regard others as emotional trash cans, regardless of dumping all negative energy, but do not understand: Complaining is a double-edged sword, which not only overdrafts one's enthusiasm for life, but also reduces others' expectations for the future.
The most advanced cultivation of adults is to know how to calm down, stop comparing and stop complaining.
The wisest way for adults to socialize is to never make do with people who can't be picked up, and to stay away from them decisively.
2. Stay away from the expanding social circle
Once a person reaches middle age, he has experienced many storms, had some life experience, and also saw some people clearly.
It is not difficult to find that there will always be a social circle that can compare and use each other as soon as we get together.
Comparisons and flatteries on the table, hippies and smiles, and business cards and WeChat under the table.
Some people even foolishly think that if they have a meal and say a few words, they will have a valuable "network".
Little do you know, Those social circles formed by rushing to make use of each other are easy to form and disperse.
And if people stay in this circle for a long time, they will not only waste time, but also lose themselves.
Happiness lies in the perception of the soul, not in comparison.
If you have such a social circle around you, please stay away as soon as possible and live in peace.
3. Keep away from gossip
Those who see right and wrong are always keen on others' gossip, but ignore the scenery in front of them;
People who listen to right and wrong always surprise people's life, but forget their own situation;
Those who say right and wrong always spread rumors of others, but they lose the bottom line of being a person.
Keep your mouth when you are in groups; Keep your heart when you are alone.
Stay away from the circle of right and wrong. Farewell to the circle of wrong and wrong is the greatest maturity of adults.
4. Reject three different networks
How tired is it to get along with different people?
There was a popular joke on the Internet:
You said the sea was beautiful, but he said that many people drowned in it.
You like reading, but they say that what's the use of reading is to pretend literature and art.
When dealing with people with different views, I always work hard. In the end, I trouble others and wronged myself.
I once read a saying that people with similar frequency will eventually get together even if they cross mountains; People with different magnetic fields, even if they live together day and night, are not the same people after all.
Different levels are not necessary; The three views are different and cannot be strongly integrated.
Since the tacit understanding cannot be enforced, let the fate come to an end.
It's better to be alone than socializing
In the social experimental short film How Many Frequently Used Contacts Are In Your Mobile Phone, the experimenter's address book contained thousands of friends, but when the director asked them to delete nodding friends and admiring friends, only two or three people remained.
That is to say, only 2-3 people are really important to know 1000 people.
It turns out that sometimes we "socialize" all day long with people who don't matter.
Of course, people are social animals, and social interaction is inevitable. But in the short life of 30000 days, there is no need to spend time and energy on social garbage.
It is better to be alone with high quality than to socialize with low quality.
After all, life in the world, not only noisy, not only boiling, but also should have a state of solitude.
A truly efficient social interaction never talks about heroes in terms of breadth, but only in terms of depth.
As stated in the book "Please stop ineffective social interaction":
"When your ability, resources and status are not commensurate with your social ambition, what you do is just ineffective social interaction."
Give up the idea of taking shortcuts and dispel the illusion.
Phoenix will come only when plane trees are planted.
If you work hard, you will have your own strength and create your own world. Naturally, you don't have to flatter yourself.
Because it's better to temper your brain and look at people's faces than to improve your quality if you hold people's thighs.
The most important person in life is always himself.
